My room is far from being done, I have a lot of junk and paperwork just sitting in boxes needing to be sorted through and archived or given away or shredded. and that’s just my bedroom, the office/TV room is a whole new set of problems, mostly the same minus the clothing, but books in that case. I have 4 book shelves and two of them are full, one is mostly full of magazines and the other is awaiting more books. I’ll need a whole shelf of books just for the ones I borrowed from my mother. I read a lot and fairly fast depending on the book. Books are another thing that need to be taken out of the bedroom. I have 5 or 6 that have been read and I need a better place to put the ones I have in line to read next than my nightstand and on the floor where they have fallen when i’ve fumbeled blindly for the alarm clock in the middle of the night.

Oh yeah this was about blogging. My co-worker and good friend Elaine and I have started a new blog called FullofWin.us that is a lot of fun. Basically it’s a was to promote the events we are working on for work as well as promoting things our friends or other community events we like or are excited about. It’s been fun writing and I’m slowly dressing up the site and teaching Elaine how to use WordPress. Elaine moved here from Boston in October and she started to work with us in November, she has a business degree in Marketing which is what I want to go to school for so it’s been fun working with her on these events for work. I’ve learned so much and I feel really confident about my abilities and choice in career. It helps that she’s knew too and likes to meet new people so we go to a lot of events that I normally wouldn’t go to either because I don’t like going to things alone or they are events I’ve never even heard of. It’s been a nice exchange of people and places. The people I’ve met through her have been great to. It’s always nice to bring in good people to your life. So check out Full Of Win and if you have anything you want to promote let us know. Our emails are on the site

Life is good.

So it’s been 11 (7/16) days since I set my goals for the summer and I wanted to update on my progress (more for me than anyone else)

Sister and Family moving to Texas – This was easier than I thought. Their going away party was on the 19^th and I cried and cried. Once I thought about it was the best thing I could have done, getting it out and letting them know I loved them that much to blubber in front of all their friends. The biggest thing I realized that my brother-in–law is more than Sabrina’s husband, he was one of my first friends in High School and that didn’t hit me until then, I gave all the kids hugs and told them how much they mean to me.

They started their journey on the 23^rd. Sabrina has been texting from the road, which was really hard at first but it’s been nice knowing what was going on and all that. She uploaded photos last night and that was nice also. They are now in Texas and the text I got a few minutes ago read “Sam just asked where are the mountains with snow”. Sam is my heart, I had him for 5 days when he was a baby so I’ve always felt a little responsible for him, that text broke my heart a little and also made me laugh. The stress of this is almost all gone, I get a little teary but I’m excited to have a chance to visit Texas now!

Cut out Caffeine! I had my last slightest bit a week ago saturday in a sweet tea, it was hard not getting my regular Stumptown at Pine State Biscuits but my nerves have been so much happier with me. No more morning soda or occasional soda at that. I don’t find myself always hunching my shoulders and having the feeling of my skin crawling, of course I’m tired and know that I can’t really do much about it… It’s been worth it though. My anxiety level has dropped so low with just that.

The 1 year anv of the breakdown hasn’t been hard. I kind of wish I didn’t remember dates so well… Part of me feels silly for talking about it out loud, I don’t want people to think that I’m an attention seeking or crazy enough to be talky about it. In reality it’s not something I feel I should be ashamed of. Life and stress got to me so I took time off from work. I slept a lot and started taking anti anxiety medication. Well more than before. Maybe I shouldn’t talk about it so casually, because it’s not like I was committed or anything. I just took time off work.

The rest of the things on my list aren’t really things that can be a big change right now, or at all, more of things I deal with and the immediate things help lessen the stress of them.

The “breakup” has me stressed of course, we are getting together tomorrow to talk about it. Not sure what will happen or what I really want to happen honestly. It’ll be nice to see him though. I might not feel so compelled to go out on the weekends and do almost stupid shit. Mostly I’m proud that I haven’t given into the compulsions, that in itself is the biggest show of growth for me, and not because of this situation for ME, I’ve come a long way!

A while ago my friend and former Jennea and I went out with friends and drank a little to much beer so we had one of those long rambling conversations that don’t make a lot of sense but do once you really think about it. I started talking about who I’d want in my wedding party if/when I get married (it’s a girl thing) and I realized I have a lot of people I want to include in that moment in my life. I’ve never thought of myself as being someone who would have a big wedding, or a big wedding party. Can you have a small wedding with a lot of bridesmaids?

“Why are you talking about weddings” you ask? I guess it’s the best way I can think of to honor the females I’m closest to by inviting them to be witness to your most special of days. Even if I never have a wedding I’ll still always plan on who I’d want in that bridal party. I’m lucky to have such an amazing group of women I can call Friends.