Life and Death

The last week has been a real whirlwind. I’m at home today after spending the weekend sitting by my grandmother’s bedside, talking to her, giving her water, making her comfortable, making sure the aids know what she’s done in the last two hours since they gave her the last medication, sleeping on the floor in her room and crying.

A week ago today I found out that it wasn’t looking good, took of Wednesday to spend the day with her and the weekend helping take care of her and make sure there were people with her all the time. It makes you realize how fragile life is and how the body works. She’s still alive at the moment and I thought it would take less time, just shows what a trouper she is. It’s so hard though. I’ve never dealt with anything so hard.

Staying home today feels like an indulgence, but as my body creaks and cracks every time i move and I slept till noon I think it was a good idea. Putting carpet directly on concrete doesn’t make it much softer. Why there is no padding in a facility that houses older people doesn’t make any sense to me at all. Neither does not having family rooms.

I miss her so much but I know it’s time for her to go, it’s time for her ending of this story. I’ve inherited a lot of great things from her, my inability to carry a tune, knowing how to give “grandma kisses” (you lick your lips rigt before you give a kiss), reading voraciously and it doesn’t matter what it is just reading, sleeping with one side of the bed covered in stuff (since no one is sleeping there, although she was much neater about it and doesn’t move around like I do), sleeping very soundly, being a pack rat. There is more to her than that and I could write for days without scratching the surface. She was the best person and she’s been my hero for years.