AddictedtoText

One last goodbye December 31, 2007

I was sitting here just getting ready to head out the door when I realized how much I missed him. The further away I get the more I know it wasn’t going to ever be more than what it was. It started as friends moved to casual flirting and at the end it was way more than it should have been. We never touched save for a couple of times, but nothing more than friends, but the thought of him still burns inside of me. I hate that he was so close to all that i want in a man because now I’m so sad for no real reason. We didn’t date we didn’t have any real promises to one another. I don’t miss him as much as I did but times like this make me ache. Maybe it’s more than just him. It’s about missing all kinds of people, friends, lovers, family and myself. 2007 is closing and it’s been the most productive year ever.

I welcome 2008 with open arms and I hope it will do me well.

FYI

I changed hosting so there are no more godaddy.com ads (YAY) so if you looked earlier and there was nothing now you know why. Also the RSS feed is working now (double YAY)

I’m off to make up my face for tonight. Be sure to check back for photos! (If’n I decide to share!)

More Movie Madness

Since I left you I watched the following movies (in no particular order)

The Queen - Good, well acted but a tad boring. I woke up drooling. It was an interesting take on Diana’s death though. It brought back a lot of memories and what not.

Ratatoullie - SO cute! I got this from my mom for Xmas and it was delightful. Pixar always does such a great job on their movies. It pleased my inner child and my outer adult and there wasn’t any over their heads comments aimed at adults.

Constantine - Saw this with my roommate and she was a bit scared at first. I saw it when it came out in the theaters and bought it when i was at my mom’s last weekend. It was just as fantastic this time around and I woke up this morning to my roommate reviewing it and taking notes. There is nothing better than showing a friend a movie and having them love it as much or more than you do.

Once - I really wanted my roommate to watch this movie since i loved it so much. We watched it today and she loved it too. It’s so hard to explain it “is it a love story”? “Well kind of but not really”… The best is when you tell someone it’s a musical. They give you that one eyebrow up look and are completely skeptical.

We also watched a marathon of Samantha Who? I LOVE that show. it’s on the same time as Heroes though and sorry NOTHING is taking me away from that!

Ok it’s late and I have to work in the AM (Only 4 hours though, I mean it IS New Years Eve!)

So if I don’t update in the next 23 hours. Have a happy new year and may all your wishes come true!

Hip-Hop Makes Me Happy December 27, 2007

I’m not a huge Kanye West fan so I’ve never really listened to any of his music until recently. My roommate was playing a lot of songs in preparation for a Halloween party we had and one of the songs was “Golddigger “since it’s catchy as hell we played it over and over. My work friends had a copy of the latest album and I’ve been listening to it quite a bit. He may be cocky but he’s pretty great. It’s nice to listen to Hip Hop that’s not all about guns and ho’s. It’s still not 100% what I like but its pretty close. I’ve also been listening to a TON of Lupe Fiasco which is great since his new album came out on the 18th of December and it’s EXCELLENT. I loved “Food and Liquor” so I was really excited about “The Cool” and it’s even better than the first. The thing I love most about Lupe is that it’s so positive. It’s pure hip hop and just excellent. Of course Mos Def and Common are in that group as well as Pharell and all that comes with him (N.E.R.D and The Neptunes). I like that they are work together also. They show up on one another’s albums and I’m most excited about Child Rebel Soldier, a collaboration between Lupe Fiasco, Kanye West and Pharell. I’m not as excited about Kanye, I’d prefer to see Common or Mos Def but I’ll take it!

So I guess what this says about me is that I like strong, political, men that produce great music that isn’t negative or exploiting women. I’d hang out with any one of them, I might get annoyed with Kanye but I’d deal with it.

I wrote this on Monday and I found out TODAY that my beloved Lupe Fiasco is playing in Portland on January 10, 2008. I can’t think of a better way to start the new year. Seriously I’m more than happy about this.

Movies

I’ve decided to post movies I’ve watched, since I have netflix and I watch at least 3 a week I thought it might be fun. I might not always post my thoughts on them just for time’s sake but from time to time i just might please you with my opinions (I have many).

Week of December 24, 2008
Superbad - My lovely Roommate watched this as we were knitting Sunday (?) night and couldn’t stop laughing. Totally dirty and super funny. I haven’t sent it back yet and I think I’m going to watch it again before I do.

Once - I watched this last night and I’m completely in love with it. A friend at work sent me the link to the website (http://www.foxsearchlight.com/once/) and I got a chance to listen to a few of the tracks and fell in love before I’d even watched the movie, now that I’ve seen it I can’t

It’s definitely one of those movies you should see if you like good music and a good almost love story.

That’s all for this week. Or at least for now. I have one more movie here and I got two for Xmas from my mom and I bought two I’ve seen already but I’d love to talk about.

What Ever Shall i do? December 19, 2007

I have a habit of only seeing what I want to see in the opposite sex. I see them but I excuse away the little things I shouldn’t, not like glaringly obvious (well sometimes) but little things that will hurt you in the end. I ignore what I know will hurt me and I don’t ask questions that might get answered in the wrong way. I’ve dated men for years without ever saying I love you for the fear of never hearing it back.

I hurt right now. I’m in pain and all I want to do is cry and blame someone else. I can’t do that though and I need to take the blame for my own actions. I had a feeling this would happen but I hoped it wouldn’t. How do you hope without being delusional about it? My huge capacity to Hope is my downfall every time. I have so much faith in the men that I care for that when I get hurt I fall very hard. I don’t want to be a bitter woman, or a distrusting one, I can see myself falling that way though. I’m already starting to lean that way, once someone I really could have feelings for I tend to start to sabotage myself. I talk about the pain I’ve experienced in my life in an attempt to show what I’ve been through and what I don’t want to go through again but it makes me look like a complainer and that I have issues instead of what I mean it to. I want to trust and protect myself at the same time, I just don’t know how. I want to believe that everyone in the world is as honest, as genuine and trustworthy as I hope that I am.

I’m not in the same kind of pain as I was in the past; I don’t have much to grieve for except what could have been. I’m a different person than the last time I grieved over a relationship or the promise of one. I want to take this anger, hurt, pain and sadness and use it. I want to change it into a positive and not into a sore that takes forever to heal. I don’t want to forget I just want to be able to see the reality in a situation without turning it negative.