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My Sissy April 10, 2009

My sister is here for the Birthday weekend. I love having her here it makes things feel “right”. I’ve realized lately, well it’s been pointed out by someone I care about, that I’m a lot closer to my family than a lot of people are. I never thought that I’d be so family oriented, I’m always the one at family functions hiding away reading or doing the opposite of what everyone else is doing. I never thought that being close to my Mom and Sister could be seen as strange. The connection I have with them, I’ve realized, is not typical and I’m thankful for that. My mom was almost 20 when I was born, and while I knew it was pretty young at the time it didn’t hit me till I was well above twenty and being around kids the age I would have been when my mom was my age… So now at 34 (almost) I look at 14/15 year olds with terror thinking I was 14 almost 15 when my mom turned 34… 20 is too young to have kids! I know that because of that my mom and I have had a different relationship, more like sisters at times. We were a team for a long time, just her and I. We are still like that too, I’m happy about that though, I like joking about things with my mom that other people wouldn’t tell their parents. My sister is 3.5 years younger than I am and I was a pretty grown up kid, I have always felt like a mom to her or an aunt at the least. Her first steps were from me to her dad and I remember changing her diapers (mostly, I couldn’t get the pins in right). These days we have a very close relationship. She’s not only my baby sister she’s my “sissy” (yeah we call one another that, it’s a funny story) and she’s my best friend. We are so very different and I like that. Neither of us would be friends with the other not because we wouldn’t like one another but because we don’t have as much in common. I think she’s taught me the most about tolerance because of that. So having her here for three days for my birthday makes me feel happy. I get to show her my world in a different way than normal and she gets to meet my friends. This time I’m forcing her to actually talk to people too!

The Beat Goes on, and on and on… April 9, 2009

OK since I’ve been really bad at the whole updating my blog thing (and I sincerely apologize for it), I’ve need to do it weekly or set a goal to do it daily? I’m not sure, something should happen. I mean I have Fans that need to know what I’m doing and what I’m thinking!!
I’ve been on the busier side, not as busy as I could be but a lot more than this time last year. I am managing a band (www.myspace.com/criticalbeing) and that’s thrilling, I’ve changed my look a lot too, partially for the projected look of managing a band but a lot because I’ve been conforming to an ideal that just wasn’t me or who I want to be. Well that and laziness, I’m wearing my hair straight now, and it’s pretty impossible to not wear it straight, hello Mullet! It’s funny how much can change with a good haircut.

State of the Shelley April 7, 2009

I haven’t blogged in a long time again. I apologize and am going to make a real effort of it this time. I was laid off at the end of February so I have time to actually sit down and write! So I’m working on a lot of projects at the moment (besides the looking for work part), I’m working for Kumoricon still. This year I’m registration Co-Manager and Merchandise Coordinator. I’m really enjoying both positions. I’m also working as a manager for my good friend Michael. We are in the process of finishing up the album and then my real job starts! If this works out I’m going to pick up some more clients and see if I can make a living out of it. I don’t need to get a business license till i start making money so I have time to figure out a company name and whatnot. Which honestly is the hardest part of everything. So besides that I’ve been spending a lot of time with my friends and having a lot of fun. I can’t remember a weekend night I haven’t been out this year.
I’ve been twittering up a storm lately, nothing of worth unfortunately so I don’t have it on the blog page but it’s the same name as the blog, so feel free to read but I warn you it’s pretty boring and whiny a lot of the time! So I hope everyone is doing well and wonderful and is ready for Spring! I love this time of year (an not only because i was born in Spring) so much. I can’t believe my birthday is this Sunday (the 12th) it’s surreal to think I’m turning a year older, having a big party makes it better though, I get excited about the celebration and don’t worry about the age part! Ok I’m going to sign off for now.

Summer 2008 September 24, 2008

I’m back! Did you miss me? Sorry for the hiatus, I moved in June and didn’t set up my computer until a few weeks ago. I have been blogging in my head, which is always a good sign!

A lot has gone on in the past few months some of it worth talking about some not. I moved into a great place with a great roommate, and recently acquired another great roommate, I had a good summer, even if I didn’t get out in the sun as much as I’d have liked to. Met a lot of great people through an Anime Convention here in Portland (http://www.kumoricon.org) My new roommate was the Vice Chair for the 2008 Conference so a lot of events were here at the house so I got to meet with a lot of people and experience something that I never would have had I not moved (I hadn’t watched any Anime before I was forced to so I had an vague idea of what was happening. I was afraid I’d like Anime and I was right. I think there is only one Geek Fandom I haven’t gotten attached to being video games, thank god I can’t play them to save my life! No really I enjoyed working the con, I worked registration so I saw a lot of people and it was great, I got to see a lot of people and talk while working at breakneck speeds, which I LOVE by the way. I made a lot of really great friends because of how hard we worked, it’s like being in the military, the people you are under pressure with you bind with the closest. Of course being Staff is totally different from attending, so I didn’t do anything that the attendees did, well besides swim in the pool, but mostly we went just before it closed so it was still just our little staff group, I did play one game of DDR and botched it badly, it was still fun! I always love meeting new people, especially the ones you’d never meet usually, that’s always the best.

I saw one of my favorite bands (www.boniver.org) one of the most amazing shows I’ve been to and one of two that I’ve gone to alone (Blonde Redhead being the other) some things are just to good to worry about having someone else there to talk to.

Oh! I also watched 3 seasons of Doctor Who (the new version) and I’m watching season 2 of the spin-off Torchwood. I’ve always been a fan but not as familiar with them all. Now I’m in love, but it’s sci-fi so what did you expect?

All in all it was a good summer, with the camping trips/family reunions and meeting new people. I became a bigger Geek and I’m not ashamed of it. I like manga and anime now and it’s exciting to find something new to love.

Movies and Movies and More Movies (I slacked) May 21, 2008

OK since I last posted movies I know i’ve seen several… Remembering them is the issue, let me consult my netflix for just one second… (insert hold music here )

and here we have it… the List of movies i’ve seen off netflix since i last blogged about movies. (it’s not good, it’s a lot of friggin movies to write about…) Ok here goes. It’s going to be a bit truncated, i really should be doing somethign else (but I really don’t want to)

28 Weeks Later - I watched maybe an hour of this. It was way gorier than the first and my DVD player was acting up, in fact it’s the last movie i saw in my DVD player, Oh did I mention it DIED? Yeah… That’s another story.

Stardust – First off I LOVE Neil Gaiman, and I remember liking the book. I really really loved this movie. I don’t remember the book being this good , but it’s been at least 10 years since I read it and I read a lot so… It was beautifully done and funny and just wonderful.

Stomp the Yard – Not to bad, it was a bit annoying at times, formulaic but it didn’t put me to sleep!

Ocean’s Thirteen – Can’t get enough of the Ocean team. I mean Come on WHO can resist Elliott Gould? But seriously it was a good movie, esp for a third movie. I wasn’t crazy about the whole thing they were doing (what were they doing?) but I loved everyone’s characters and how they played them. I think that’s what i like more, the individuals and their character development, it just makes me happy, and there are a few hotties to watch…

Lars and the Real Girl - Reviews I read sad this movie was creepy and lame, but I really liked it. It made sense to me in a psycological/analytical way, you work out what you need to work out how you need to work it out yeah? The town coming together made me happy and Ryan Gosling is hot even when he’s a little socially backwards!

Bridge to Terabithia - one of my favorite books as a kid and another movie that was great that I forgot what the book was like but I knew the basic plot points. It was well done and the 20 odd years between the last read and watching the movie made it just perfect.

Superman Returns - Not bad, not great but not bad. Again haven’t watched the Superman movies in a long time so it didn’t seem to off base. of course I “Know” he’s to young to be where the movies left off but I set it aside. He did a great job at being all awkward and what not as Clark Kent, As an adult though it bothers me that Lois CAN’T TELL IT’s THE SAME PERSON… Sigh, it’s ok. again he’s cute you get over it.

Catch and Release - Meh, I didn’t hate it but I wouldn’t be hurt if I never watched it again. it was entertaining just had to many “What?” moments in it.

August Rush - Probably the biggest disappointment. To many WTF’s and not enough happily ever after (before the movie ends)

Into the Wild – Yet another book I’ve read ages ago and now seeing the movie. Well done. I didn’t remember how it ended exactly so while i knew what to expect just not how. It was sad and beautiful and well done. It’s even moer exciting now that I’ve met the author’s sister and know that he’s and Oregonian!

28 Days Later – was trying to rent 28 weeks later so i didn’t watch it again. still 100% times better than the second. bleh.

Across the Universe – WOW. I was afraid when the opening credits started that it would be campy and annoying but it was WOW. I had the soundtrack for months and months so it was a little boring to listen to but after watching the movie it made it SO much better. The commentary was great too. It made it even better. Actually I watched every extra it had and I think it’s something i need to own.

Oh and I bought Stranger Than Fiction because it’s beautiful. i also bought the CD on iTunes, I will not go off on my iTunes tirade today i’ll leave that for another day

So yeah life has been crazy, just when you think you are back in a grove you get shoved back off. It’s been interesting and hopefully soon I’ll be able to really get into it. There is just to much to do before I can get to it!

Love you all! oh and a Photo from my weekend (Girls weekend at the Coast with my family, it was fantastic)

Personal Heroes April 10, 2008

I’ve got a lot in my head at the moment but I’m saving that for another post. I wanted to write about someone I used to work with and one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met.

For her 60th birthday Ginny is hiking the pacific coast trail. Yes you heard me right, her 60th birthday. I can’t even fathom that. Especially when you take this in to consideration: [The Pacific Crest Trail (PCT) is a 2,650-mile national scenic trail that runs from Mexico to Canada through California, Oregon and Washington. The PCT traverses 24 national forests, 37 wilderness areas and 7 national parks.]

So yes for many more reasons that that she is a personal hero of mine. I wish her nothing but luck and good times. She’s blogging about the trip on www.postholer.com/ginnyb and i’ve also put that on my blogroll.

The Odd Year(s) March 28, 2008

In less than a month I turn 33, I’m not sure why it seems so ominous. I haven’t had too much of an issue with any of my birthday’s in my thirties. I’m not freaking out like some women do; I’m just having a little trouble figuring out how I got here and what happened to all that time? To make matters worse a lot of people from the past have been popping up lately. This is good but it makes me think about life, where I could be and where I am.

Last night I dared to brave Classmates.com and found someone who meant something to me at one time. I’ve been going through my old cards and letters from childhood to now and I found a lot of the cards and letter from my best friend from HS and it made me remember how close we were. It made me cry a little and remember when she stopped talking to me, seeing her on that site last night made me a little sad but at the same time I realized we are very different people and I can’t imagine how we could be friends now. Too much time, to much pain and too far away.

Where I am at times makes me sad until I realize that it’s my life, I love it and I can’t imagine having any other.

I’ve been thinking a lot about loss lately, with my grandmother passing and the infiltration of friends from the past and it’s interesting to see how these things effect your life. Some days I forget that she’s gone and other days it hits me hard and I don’t realize it until later, it’s this hidden pain that has been causing me to push away a lot of people I see on a daily basis. I’m numb to it though, I’ve lost a lot of friends, I’ve gained a lot of friends and it’s a cycle that keeps going on. Sometimes they come back into your life and sometimes they don’t, but it happens and I accept that. Maybe I’m just cutting to the chase, separating people from my life so it doesn’t hurt when it happens for real, I can’t tell anymore.

One of the people from the past that contacted me lately was my best friend from middle school. I remember meeting her, her grandmother was our apartment manager in the apartment my mom and I lived in when we first moved to Oregon. We were roughly the same age so it was natural we start playing together when she was visiting. We wound up moving into their neighborhood the nest school year and we were 11/12 and she introduced me to all her friends and it was great. She was there through all those life changing events you have between 11 and 13. Our first boyfriend was the same person, I was there when she had her first kiss, we would watch horrible TV together on Friday nights (I won’t say what in order to not incriminate myself, it’s bad don’t ask). We had slumber parties and pulled pranks on people. Some things are hard to remember having 20 years between then and now, I can’t remember what she was there for and what she wasn’t, think it was because she was always there. I remember when she moved away and I went to stay the night (she didn’t move far) and killing a spider with a can of hairspray because she was afraid of them and I didn’t want to squish it, so I hairsprayed it to death. I remember that same time listening to Metallica for the first time (before they were popular and when they were good). All these memories keep flooding back and it’s so weird and so familiar.

I’m glad for having people I was once close with come back into my life, it’s comforting, it feels right.

Life and Death February 11, 2008

The last week has been a real whirlwind. I’m at home today after spending the weekend sitting by my grandmother’s bedside, talking to her, giving her water, making her comfortable, making sure the aids know what she’s done in the last two hours since they gave her the last medication, sleeping on the floor in her room and crying.

A week ago today I found out that it wasn’t looking good, took of Wednesday to spend the day with her and the weekend helping take care of her and make sure there were people with her all the time. It makes you realize how fragile life is and how the body works. She’s still alive at the moment and I thought it would take less time, just shows what a trouper she is. It’s so hard though. I’ve never dealt with anything so hard.

Staying home today feels like an indulgence, but as my body creaks and cracks every time i move and I slept till noon I think it was a good idea. Putting carpet directly on concrete doesn’t make it much softer. Why there is no padding in a facility that houses older people doesn’t make any sense to me at all. Neither does not having family rooms.

I miss her so much but I know it’s time for her to go, it’s time for her ending of this story. I’ve inherited a lot of great things from her, my inability to carry a tune, knowing how to give “grandma kisses” (you lick your lips rigt before you give a kiss), reading voraciously and it doesn’t matter what it is just reading, sleeping with one side of the bed covered in stuff (since no one is sleeping there, although she was much neater about it and doesn’t move around like I do), sleeping very soundly, being a pack rat. There is more to her than that and I could write for days without scratching the surface. She was the best person and she’s been my hero for years.

A pound of yarn is worth…. January 30, 2008

I’m not ready for a real entry but I did want to post a little something for all my Knitters out there. Some will drool and some will fall in love.

http://www.yarniapdx.com/contact.html

I can’t wait to get me a pound of yarn YO.

Goals for 2008 January 18, 2008

Everyone should have goals right? Instead of New Years resolutions I prefer to say goals since they are more apt to be followed through on.

So here goes:

1. Simplify my expressions – cut back on like, really, awesome, love. I want to use those expressions for the right moment and not for every moment.

2. take more time to think about things. Relax and don’t get so excited that I forget what I’m trying to say or things like my coat or my keys.

3. take time to de-stress

4. knit more – goal is to knit at least 2 pairs of socks, one article of clothing and katie’s hat. I’d like to knit another hat for me and a scarf that actually keeps me warm.

5. travel outside the NW

6. accept people for who they are and not what I expect them to be or who I think they are

7. start ArTshirts and research different ways to create them (set up Etsy account, buy blank t’s, get a broader range of paint, see what the market for something like that is)

8. remember I am worth the time people spend on me and the things they do for me.

9. spend more one on one time with my friends and really get to know them

10. spend less time taking care of everyone else

11. make friends with men with no other intentions than being friends

12. not to over think things aka don’t put meaning on everything

13. think about what I eat and how much

14. cook more at home

15. go to more shows